I’m Not Ready Yet

I remember
how the air stood still
How excited I wanted to be
with a new kitten
I clutched her tightly
the only thing soft
Words to my tiny daughters?
I couldn’t find a one
as fighter jets flew over
my tiny little apartment

I was too old
to need
not be able to give
Gentleness
Strength and Power
became fragile
to Everyone

“I’m not ready yet”
I thought
to endure
to try to explain
Hatred and a loss of Hope
Even though
abusers had broken
my very arms
Even they weren’t safe
Suddenly everything changed
on 9/11

Years have gone by
I live in a different place
One daughter turns 16
later this month
but very little has changed
We’re more aware
of our Fears now
though we’ve never admitted
our Arrogance
What made us think
bombastic talk
Borders boundaries
couldn’t be violated?

I’m not ready yet
I know
to give up on Love
to let anything else
take hold
of my choices
of my decisions
I won’t let
Fear paralyze me
Any more
I’m not ready yet
To give up
To give in
To let being Mean
being Wrong
being Evil win
I will be a sweet
Kind voice of Tenderness
Freely given
I know I can be hurt
but I won’t be
a Perpetrator or a Victim
I’m not ready yet
to stop living
I’m not ready yet

c2012 GC Cameron

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